I need to write more love songs. The current released material depicts my ability to share my vulnerable side with you authentically and openly. But it only shows my hurt. I think that’s because hurt is easier to write about.
The irony is, that if you’ve met me, I am so bubbly and over the top that people cant comprehend why the first releases from Hayley are so sad, hurt or ___.
“Who hurt you” was actually the first question my grandma asked my when she heard Mustang Crescent. Which I love… because the song isn’t about me at all.
Anyway… I have big feelings! I feel a lot. I am proud of it, but for a large portion of my life, it was shut down. As a teen, and even young adult, or almost indefinitely- the culture of the world doesn’t really encourage feelings or vulnerability. We bang on about opening up, its healthy, do it for you… but does anyone actually do it?
Does anybody REALLY open up?
I do. I didn’t. But I definitely do now. And I have only NOW entered my ability to talk about my feelings of love. Love in all its forms; Family, Friends, Romance, Unrequited, Possessions, Career Goals and Dreams, even ‘Pet’ love.
Romantic by far is the hardest for me to talk about. In a positive light. Because it scares me, I’m not very good at it and I haven’t really ventured into that realm without experiencing horrendous pain at the end of it. I actually taught myself to experience romance without connection, just so I wouldn’t get hurt. If you’ve read this far… that’s not actually a thing, even if you convince yourself. You’re not avoiding the feelings, you’re just bottling them up in a place you haven’t even discovered yet. When you turn 27 you discover that spot!
Anyway, I could talk about romantic love for ages… but I don’t want too 😉
Not in this blog anyway. I’m going to talk to you about friend love. Friend love is so overrated, and sure, there are some feelings that friend love can not console- or at least I thought until I met my four best friends- THE BAND!
Meet the band
Meet Sam, Jason, Josh and Lyndon. Its funny writing about them, they’re not here to have a say… usually when we write material, they’re very open with their opinions, and have plenty of say; but here? They just get to read the aftermath!
I LOVE THESE MEN. They are my music family. We have been through thick and thin… like more than you’ll ever understand, and more than I could probably write (I have an image of respect for people that I’d like to maintain), but these lads have seen it all. Me at my absolute worst, me wondering how on earth I am going fix something beyond our control, me numb with emotional toward HAYLI – wondering if it’s a passion project worth pursuing. T
hey have seen me at my absolute best too by the way- we have shared some experiences that some will never even know! Writing music, telling our vulnerable stories, telling our horrendously unsafe travel stories, touring the east Australian coast, driving from Melbourne to Adelaide in a car too small for us while openly reading the amazing “Attached” book by Dr Amire Lavine and Rachel SF Heller. Sam is secure! The rest of us… are very good songs waiting to happen (currently anyway). So there is no shortage of good times here.
But I’m going back to the tough times, because that’s where you REALLY learn about your love for someone (or someone’s in this case). These men were my first love song.
Doing This Right
Not yet released, but performed at our live shows ‘Doing this right’ is a very big, emotive crowd favourite. The song ambiguously frames experiences that we have shared, but through a strategic lens of romance. Though if you read very closely, it never truly refers to romance.
Lyrics:
You let me throw you in the deep end
Got me wondering
what you’re thinking
You break the rules and it annoys me
but you always
pull me in
I can’t express the way you make me feel
Theres a word but I wont say it yet
Im not gonna count how many times
the others think we got it wrong
cos there is so much right that came from all this mess
if we got it right the first time
we wouldn’t have what we got now
so would you hold my hand and keep doing life
cos im pretty sure we’re doing this right
You’re always running so carefree
but you never leave me behind
I am so damn mad at how you’ve held my heart
since day one
I cant express the way you make me feel
Theres a word but I wont say it yet
Im not gonna count how many times
the others think we got it wrong
cos there is so much right that came from all this mess
if we got it right the first time
we wouldn’t have what we got now
so would you hold my hand and keep doing life
cos im pretty sure we’re doing this right
And so on… to the end.
The song was designed to express how much I value their unconditional love, guidance, persistence, resilience, integrity, trust and so much more. I have met MANY people in my lifetime, and these four men are some of the greatest I have and will ever know.
Here’s the short version
If I broke down and summarised verse one, its entirely about how I drag them along with me dreams, and they constantly push to help me chase it- even in unconventional or annoying ways.
The chorus is an interesting one, and not so transparent on purpose. “I’m not gonna count how many times the others think we got it wrong” essentially refers to the world that doesn’t understand the dream we are chasing, and our list of priorities. “If we got it right the first time, we wouldn’t have what we’ve got now” mirrors all of the life experiences we have had leading up to finding each other, but also since we’ve found each other.
This is a by far NOT FLAWLESS rollercoaster, but they don’t get off. They just hold on tighter and back me up every step of the say. “So would you hold my hand and keep doing life. Cos I’m pretty sure we’re doing this right” really speaks for itself.
The love within the band has allowed me to break down so many walls surrounding vulnerability. Sometimes I build them back up when I’m feeling insecure or unsure if this is the dream/ passion project that I should be chasing. But they have never let me down, and illustrate so much transparency in our relationships that I feel safe.
Thank you for everything that you bring to HAYLI, and for everything that’s been and yet to come.
Love you!
Hayli xx
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